AS English Language Coursework (grade A)

Commentary for short story
My short story ‘Puzzles’ is a dark fiction genre with slight elements of gothic horror used in various places, for example: ‘Blood bubbles at the surface and seeps out. It drips onto the soft cream carpets and makes a scarlet stain’. This line describes the bully as their wrist that has been slit, drips blood onto the floor. The gothic themes of blood, self destruction and death are present here. The use of contrasting colours-red blood and cream carpets symbolises the loss of innocence, this is classic gothic genre. The atmosphere of the story is dark and dangerous; the bully describes the vivid memories of their experiences as they tore apart the victim’s life.
The story is telling the experience of a bully, whose victim has committed suicide. As the bully visits the victim’s house they break down with guilt and shame. The narrative is first person; the character uses the term ‘I’ thoroughly throughout the story and also ‘you’, when they are talking about the victim.
The tense is past and present, it switches throughout the story. For example ‘I jump up from the floor and charge out of the room’ this sentence is set in present tense, however ‘You had been smiling, laughing, at a joke’, this sentence is set in past tense, to give the reader the feel that the narrator is reminiscing and feeling nostalgic about the past.
Techniques I used to create my short story include metaphors ‘but I had to go and break the puzzle, pick apart the pieces’.  This metaphor gives the impression that the victim’s life is a puzzle that is being picked apart by the bully. Another metaphor I used was ‘A waterfall of anger had washed over me, drenched my soul in bitterness.’ This metaphor is effective in giving the reader a mental image of the anger drenching the narrator.
I use rhetorical questions throughout the story ‘Why was your life on track when mine was falling apart?’ This question is directed to the reader from the narrator (the bully). It is used to emphasise the feelings and emotions of the bully and to get the reader’s views and opinions flowing. The story is set primarily in the victim’s bedroom as the bully ponders over their memories of the girls’ friendship before it fell apart.
I used many adjectives such as ‘shiny and glossy’ to describe the penknife the bully uses to cut their wrist. I also personified the knife by referring to it as a ‘friend’ and ‘my enemy’. The verb ‘glistens’ also has positive connotations implying that death is to be welcomed.  I used adjectives to ensure the story was vivid and descriptive for the reader, also to set the scene and to convey emotions.
I used ellipsis at the end of the story to leave the ending open to the reader. Although it is fairly clear that the bully is dying, as they have slit their wrist and quoted ‘I am over…, we are over’, there is no definite evidence that they have died, which leaves the reader pondering over the story.
There is lexical field of pain and suffering- ‘bruises’, ‘punches’, ‘red marks’, ‘scars’ and ‘pain’ this shows that the victim is suffering physical pain and also psychological pain that comes with the ordeal of physical pain.