Emotional Intensity

Perhaps it’s the abrupt change in mood

And the deep passionate hatred

That comes over me like a tidal wave

Crushing everything in my path.

If I could learn to control the self-hatred

And increase my self-worth

Perhaps I would learn

To love myself.

And not become so out of touch

With the world and its happenings

That I forget to eat, to sleep

Instead I sit and think.

About pointless things

That to me are so important

The erratic behaviours

Spending sprees and impulsive decisions.

Binge drinking, binge eating and self-abuse

Denying my body food or sleep

And then eating too much

Sleeping too much.

Emotions all over the place

Feelings written on my face

I love you then I hate you

I want you then I don’t want you near me.

I love life then I hate everything

This is life with emotional instability

Intense feelings and impulsive urges

They call it Borderline Personality Disorder.

Or Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder

Or Emotional Intensity Disorder

But I would just say I feel too much

And think too much.

And act too quickly

And hate too quickly

And trust not enough

And my brain.

Never

Stops

Analysing

Everything.