Emotional Intensity

Perhaps it’s the abrupt change in mood

And the deep passionate hatred

That comes over me like a tidal wave

Crushing everything in my path.

If I could learn to control the self-hatred

And increase my self-worth

Perhaps I would learn

To love myself.

And not become so out of touch

With the world and its happenings

That I forget to eat, to sleep

Instead I sit and think.

About pointless things

That to me are so important

The erratic behaviours

Spending sprees and impulsive decisions.

Binge drinking, binge eating and self-abuse

Denying my body food or sleep

And then eating too much

Sleeping too much.

Emotions all over the place

Feelings written on my face

I love you then I hate you

I want you then I don’t want you near me.

I love life then I hate everything

This is life with emotional instability

Intense feelings and impulsive urges

They call it Borderline Personality Disorder.

Or Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder

Or Emotional Intensity Disorder

But I would just say I feel too much

And think too much.

And act too quickly

And hate too quickly

And trust not enough

And my brain.

Never

Stops

Analysing

Everything.

You Took From Me

You took something from me

From deep inside my soul

Perhaps it was my humanity

Or my self-respect, or dignity.

You broke something in me

Maybe the instinct to trust

Or the desire to doll myself up

Now I feel safer without make-up.

You took a part of me

Reserved only for someone else

You marked your territory

Now I’m forever scarred.

It Must Have Been

It must have been the way I slurred my words

Or the colour of my silky blouse

It must have been the tears rolling down my face

Or the distress radiating off of me.

It must have been the way I said

I was gay and I had a girlfriend

It must have been the cries

I made when he began.

It must have been the fact

That I was an intoxicated female

Or perhaps it was the fate that I deserved

Maybe that’s why he did it.

Sometimes

Sometimes the only way to feel human

Is to behave like an animal

And the best cure for anger

Is to smash a few plates.

Sometimes your revenge

Is best served piping hot

And your gut instinct

Is telling the truth.

Sometimes you have to give someone

The benefit of the doubt

There’s more beneath the surface

Like the tip of an iceberg.

Sometimes you have to do

What you have to do

And forget the rules

And the laws.

Sometimes the world wins

But other times it loses

And your opinion is the one

That really counts.

Sometimes people lose their shit

And behave like idiots

And that is okay.

No-one is perfect.

Someone Else’s Problem

It’s just someone else’s problem

Someone else’s life

Someone else’s father

And someone else’s wife.

The man on the street

With the skeletal frame

Is pleading for money

As you hide your shame.

The TV shows an advert

Of African children crying

We change the channel

To forget they’re dying.

The woman next door

Is beaten black and blue

But you tell yourself

It’s nothing to do with you.

The people getting bombed

By your high school soldier friend

The gay guy round the block

Trying to hide and pretend.

The girl you called fat

Just threw up her dinner

While you judge her weight

She’s only getting thinner.

The pregnant teenage girl

That you called a slut

Is carrying her father’s child

And starting to give up.

The guy buying twenty cans

Of beer every night

Hears voices in his head

And drinks to calm his fright.

You’re in denial

Until it hits home

You’re the one crying

You’re the one all alone.

For so long you have tried

To shut out the pain

But it finds you in the end

And makes you go insane.

It’s not someone else’s problem

You’re the one with the scars

It’s not someone else’s pain

It comes from your heart.

The ‘R’ Word

They told her she invited it,

that her clothing ‘egged him on.’

They said to him ‘that’s what you

get for being a homosexual.’

They told her she shouldn't

have drunk so much booze,

or that she should never

have gone back to his place.

He told his friends he got lucky,

that he had ‘pulled a fit bird.’

She told her friends not to

speak to him again. Ever.

He told the court at the trial

‘She said yes’ but then

she told the judge and jury

‘I said no’ and broke down.

Rape is never justifiable,

consent isn’t as complex

as society makes it out to be.

Not saying no can still mean no.

Stop telling your daughters

not to wear short skirts

and start teaching your

sons not to rape.