Fight

As red as the roses grow
As blue as the sky can go
That's how much I feel
That's how much is real.

The beating of my heart
Tears my emotions apart
The urge to disappear
To be no longer here.

Thinking of pills and knives
Praying to keep me alive
If only for one more night
I don't know how long
I can keep up this fight.

Decay From Inside

The low has come
Like a tidal wave
Crushing me down
Drowning me slowly.
I gasp for breath
I fight for air
For light to shine
And ice to melt.
My body is frozen
Like a time capsule
Fragile, breakable
The low doesn't leave.
It consumes all of me
Piece by piece
Bit by bit
I decay from the inside.

Valium

It's the feeling of putting the pill on your tongue.
and sipping water and then waiting for the feeling to kick in.
If you're a regular person and function normally
It makes you euphoric
and as high as the sky
but if you're like me and you
overthink over breathe, feel too much
It makes you feel normal
with its magic touch.

Prozac Vs Zoloft

They put me on Prozac

But it made me go mad

They tried me on Zoloft

And it stopped me feeling sad

They gave me risperidone

But my hormones didn’t agree

They tired me on abilify

But the agitation was too much for me

The Seroquel helps me sleep at night

And calms my brain in the storm

The Valium eases my anxiety

And makes me feel warm.

Meds

They put me on Prozac
But it made me go mad
They put me on Zoloft
And it stopped me feeling sad
They tried me on Risperidone
But it messed with my hormones
They gave me Abilify
But I was restless with boredom
I'm now on Seroquel
It helps me sleep at night
Who knows what meds are next
But I hope they help me fight.

Stay Alive

I am not going to wallow

In self-pity and depression

I am not going to cut myself

And bleed into my sheets.

I am not going to overdose

On lots of pills and alcohol

I am not going to hurt myself

Because I don’t deserve it.

I will write my way through this

And come out the other side

I will chill in my bed at home

But most of all, I’ll stay alive.

I Can

I can get through anything

I can hold down a job

I can survive a night

Full of suicidal thoughts

I can resist alcohol

And drugs and oblivion

I can write a novel

I can write a poem

I can make new friends

I can have a laugh

I can travel the world

I can do whatever I want

I can and I will.