Damaged Goods

Disappointment again

I should have known

That no one would want

Damaged goods.

I fall too quickly

Too fast and too deeply

Only to be broken

Into millions of pieces.

Well at least I’ve learned

That I can move on

And find happiness

If it strikes again.

High and Low

The highs are euphoric

The electric butterflies

The daydreaming and fantasising

But the lows are crushing

Debilitating and deafening

I want to go to sleep

And not wake up

When only yesterday

I wanted to live forever.

BPD Butterflies

Butterflies in my stomach

Electricity pulsing through my blood

Your touch makes me feel alive

And I fall instantly in love.

But is this infatuation?

Intoxication caused by my brain

And my personality disorder

Making me go crazy, mad insane.

Can I ever fall in love?

Or do I fall in love with the idea

I’d like to have a normal mind

And have nothing bad to fear.

I’ve put myself out there

Vulnerable, naked, exposed

But please my darling, catch me

I can’t cope with anymore woes.

Yellow Pill For The Little Girl

You didn’t realise the damage you made

When you handed me that first yellow pill

You didn’t think about the consequences

And the legality of what you had done.

You never thought I’d become hooked

On this tiny yet magical pill

You never thought I’d steal it

Or desperately seek it out online.

I was just a child, it began

Taking a pill from her father

I was just an innocent little girl

Being abused with twisted love.

Now I crave these dangerous drugs

And think about them far too much

And wish I could have them

When life becomes too tough.

I have to move on

From this unhealthy obsession

But I hope you’ve realised

And learnt your lesson.

Hole in My Heart

There’s a hole in my heart

That for some reason

Has stayed gaping open

Regardless of everything

It hits me sometimes

Now and again, when –

I’m walking to work

Or cooking a meal

And I suddenly realise

I’m doing it alone.

A song reminds me of

All the reasons we were –

So wonderful together

And I miss cuddling you

And watching TV

I miss your kiss and I miss

Your smell and your hair

But I don’t miss your temper

Or your jealousy

Or the way you made me feel

Like I had to be perfect

Because I’ll never be perfect

And perhaps we weren’t

Soulmates after all.

Toxic

Were we so toxic?

And doomed from the beginning

Were we set up to fail?

Regardless of how many times

We gave it another go.

The last straw or the last chance

I can’t remember how many

You gave me.

Am I so toxic?

So fucked up

That even you couldn’t keep

Loving me and healing me.

You tell me I’m selfish

And incapable of caring

For anyone else.

That I ruined you and you hate me.

We were in love and in hate.

We couldn’t live without each other

Or with each other.

So let’s see who is stronger

Who comes out the other side?

And maybe in ten years

You’ll pass me in the street

Or read my poetry online

And remember why

You loved me so much.

Or maybe you’ll hate me

Forever and more than I

Can hate myself.

Which is hard.

Graduation!

So today, after 3 gruelling years of hard work I did it! I graduated with a Second Class Bachelor of Arts with Honours degree in English and Creative Writing!