Stay Alive

I am not going to wallow

In self-pity and depression

I am not going to cut myself

And bleed into my sheets.

I am not going to overdose

On lots of pills and alcohol

I am not going to hurt myself

Because I don’t deserve it.

I will write my way through this

And come out the other side

I will chill in my bed at home

But most of all, I’ll stay alive.

I Can

I can get through anything

I can hold down a job

I can survive a night

Full of suicidal thoughts

I can resist alcohol

And drugs and oblivion

I can write a novel

I can write a poem

I can make new friends

I can have a laugh

I can travel the world

I can do whatever I want

I can and I will.

Damaged Goods

Disappointment again

I should have known

That no one would want

Damaged goods.

I fall too quickly

Too fast and too deeply

Only to be broken

Into millions of pieces.

Well at least I’ve learned

That I can move on

And find happiness

If it strikes again.

High and Low

The highs are euphoric

The electric butterflies

The daydreaming and fantasising

But the lows are crushing

Debilitating and deafening

I want to go to sleep

And not wake up

When only yesterday

I wanted to live forever.

BPD Butterflies

Butterflies in my stomach

Electricity pulsing through my blood

Your touch makes me feel alive

And I fall instantly in love.

But is this infatuation?

Intoxication caused by my brain

And my personality disorder

Making me go crazy, mad insane.

Can I ever fall in love?

Or do I fall in love with the idea

I’d like to have a normal mind

And have nothing bad to fear.

I’ve put myself out there

Vulnerable, naked, exposed

But please my darling, catch me

I can’t cope with anymore woes.

Yellow Pill For The Little Girl

You didn’t realise the damage you made

When you handed me that first yellow pill

You didn’t think about the consequences

And the legality of what you had done.

You never thought I’d become hooked

On this tiny yet magical pill

You never thought I’d steal it

Or desperately seek it out online.

I was just a child, it began

Taking a pill from her father

I was just an innocent little girl

Being abused with twisted love.

Now I crave these dangerous drugs

And think about them far too much

And wish I could have them

When life becomes too tough.

I have to move on

From this unhealthy obsession

But I hope you’ve realised

And learnt your lesson.