Hole in My Heart

There’s a hole in my heart

That for some reason

Has stayed gaping open

Regardless of everything

It hits me sometimes

Now and again, when –

I’m walking to work

Or cooking a meal

And I suddenly realise

I’m doing it alone.

A song reminds me of

All the reasons we were –

So wonderful together

And I miss cuddling you

And watching TV

I miss your kiss and I miss

Your smell and your hair

But I don’t miss your temper

Or your jealousy

Or the way you made me feel

Like I had to be perfect

Because I’ll never be perfect

And perhaps we weren’t

Soulmates after all.

Toxic

Were we so toxic?

And doomed from the beginning

Were we set up to fail?

Regardless of how many times

We gave it another go.

The last straw or the last chance

I can’t remember how many

You gave me.

Am I so toxic?

So fucked up

That even you couldn’t keep

Loving me and healing me.

You tell me I’m selfish

And incapable of caring

For anyone else.

That I ruined you and you hate me.

We were in love and in hate.

We couldn’t live without each other

Or with each other.

So let’s see who is stronger

Who comes out the other side?

And maybe in ten years

You’ll pass me in the street

Or read my poetry online

And remember why

You loved me so much.

Or maybe you’ll hate me

Forever and more than I

Can hate myself.

Which is hard.

Graduation!

So today, after 3 gruelling years of hard work I did it! I graduated with a Second Class Bachelor of Arts with Honours degree in English and Creative Writing!