Emergency Calls

I never did find out

What happened to the bloke

Who called me from a building

Burning, filled with smoke.

The woman who was crying

As her husband’s heart gave in

Or the little girl whose body

Was now wearing thin.

The elderly woman

Who’d fallen from her bed

The girlfriend’s boyfriend

With a gunshot wound to his head.

The sixteen year old sobbing

After taking thirty pills

The guy on the bridge

Because he couldn’t pay his bills.

I think of them at night

As I snuggle with my wife

I wonder if they’re dead

Or if they have survived.

I don’t know how they’re doing

I don’t know if they’re fine

But that’s enough from me

There’s someone on the line.

Missing You

It’s really only a delusion

Built up by my mind

As it searches for good memories

Which are quite hard to find

What am I really missing?

The hope that you will change?

Or perhaps the extra money

And I guess that seems strange

Because missing you is not

As simple as it seems

‘Cause you always caused me pain

And shattered my fragile dreams

I will learn to miss you

And when nostalgia takes hold

I’ll be reminded of the words

You said to turn me cold.

Eulogy Of Truth

It’s funny how when

Someone we know dies,

They’re labelled as a hero

And built up in our eyes.

No-one is perfect

It’s a well-known fact,

But it’s as if when we die

All the living make a pact

To rose tint your life

And polish it till it shines,

Forget about your flaws

Mistakes and parking fines.

When you hear on the news

Of a young lad’s sudden death,

They cut out the convictions

Of GBH and theft.

“He was a smashing lad”

The neighbours will say,

Although he started fires

And beat up all the gays.

Uncle Thomas was a legend

Strong, kind and very tough,

But he had a drinking problem

And hit his wife, who was up the duff.

My mother was an angel,

A selfless caring soul

But fucking up her children

Was her lifetime goal.

My husband was a fighter,

A clever smiling guy

But he left me with two kids

A stack of bills and no goodbye.

Auntie Pamela

Will be dearly missed,

But she spent half her life

In pubs getting pissed.

We’re warping fact and fiction

When the eulogy is read,

It’s often a pack of lies

But don’t speak ill of the dead.

Men Are From...

Mars and women

are from Venus.

Women break down and cry

and men pretend they don’t.

Women hold their pride in

handbags and shoe collections

so men believe they are shallow, when in fact

women are deeper than the

ocean. Yet men don’t know

how to navigate the choppy

waters of a woman’s mind.

Women don’t say what they think

They lie, they cry, they try not to die

in this man’s world.

Watching The Waves

As I stare at the washing waves

the heavy clouds drift past,

the sky is so dangerously dark.

It has never looked this dark

in all of my past, but still

the waves carry on slashing the shore.

They spit at the dark sky

clouding my view, teasing my eyes, they wave

goodbye, in a mournful dance, as they roll past me.

Autumn

Leaves are falling

Softly off trees

The temperature’s dropped

To eleven degrees

You long for your day

To wiz by in a flash

Only going to work

To earn much needed cash

You dream of golden beaches

And sparkling blue sea

The days of the summer

When you were happy and free

Winter approaches

With its dark nights and rain

You remind yourself

It’ll be summer again.

Dementia Took Grace

Your disease riddled brain

Is causing you pain

You can’t tell if

There’s sun or there’s rain

You don’t remember your children

They’re just strangers in the room

They come and they go

They’ll be back soon

You could’ve been a doctor

Or a murdering psychopath

You’ll never know who you were

And you don’t recognise the staff

They feed you and they wash you

Whilst you blink, in oblivion

Not observing the seconds

As they wizz by in the millions

Death is now approaching

But you’re blissfully unaware

Snoring loudly

All alone in your chair

The day you slip away

Your family all cry

But you’d been long gone

They could tell by your eyes

They were lifeless and empty

Just blinking mechanically

Your daughter remembers

You happy and free

Now you’ve been dead

Just a few days

Your son still pictures

Your smile, like sun rays

Dementia stole your soul

Before death stole your face

Bu your children know you

You were their mother, Grace.

The Home

Like lost animals they sit

Round in circles of despair

Trying to remember

Why they are even there.

Their eyes are still blinking

But have lost their spark

Their energy has faded

They are left in the dark.

Microwave meals

And countless cups of tea

The nurses never rest

From tending to the elderly.

They now are like children

Innocent and vulnerable

Their personality is gone

They can’t recognise themselves.

Their families visit

Now and again

Pretending to care

Pretending to love.

But how can they be loved

When they’re just a shell of a person

Now the empty home

Of that once vibrant soul.

The Lost Days

Days not recorded

are swirling in the air

like flies that never leave.

They buzz inside my mind

enough to remind me that

they’ll never leave me.

But I know they existed

and now are yesterdays

lost but not lost

in the great void of time.

The Day He Woke Us Up

When we were woken

Our eyes still stung with sleep

We didn’t understand

What was happening

We could still smell the candyfloss

From the fairground in our dreams

And the cold morning light

Shook our systems awake

The man we both adored

Stood before us

Crying softly

Holding a suitcase

“I’m leaving” he said

And in that moment

A part of me broke

And the room swam with pain.

Cutting Out

It’s hard cutting you out

It’s harder than I thought

I see why they call it cutting

It’s stinging like the slice of a knife

But your stabs were always deeper

And the wound you gave me never healed

So it’s time for me to reclaim my life

And not let you win with your knife.

Clothes

They cling to you

like a desperate lover

their soft touch caresses your skin.

Wrapped up in your woollen fleece

safe from the metallic world

cotton carves your cries

as silk sways in your dreams.

The hidden history

of your body

underneath the thick coat

is a knitted nightmare.

A baby’s shriek

is silenced by linen

and the dead’s last touch

is their favourite outfit.

We used to run free

naked and wild

now clothes have claimed us

in their powerful embrace.

The Ugly Duckling

You don’t notice the damage you do

You might as well be slicing at my skin

Calling me fat, calling me lazy

Destroying me from within

None of you noticed

When I was crying inside

None of you noticed

When I was trying to hide

I was never good enough

Never met your expectations

I didn’t cook the right food

Or socialise with your relations

I’m the ugly duckling

The elephant in the room

I’ve always been a failure

Since I was sleeping in your womb

I snapped and I saw red

I did something bad

But you won’t take the blame

For the constant draining nags

Maybe you should have thought

About becoming a mum

I’m not gonna lie, I’m being honest

You’re not the greatest one

I love you of course

That goes without saying

But I don’t think I like you

And the flaws you are displaying

It’s too late to show

Love and dignity

It’s too late to fix

The parts you broke of me.

You’ve Set Me Free

You never were there

Like you said you’d always be

You walked over my heart

And flattened my dignity.

You never heard me cry

You just watched the tears fall down

Pretending that you cared

Staging a worried frown.

You failed as a parent

You hurt me every day

Encouraging my demons

To come out and play.

You ruined my childhood

Filling it with tears

But I want you to know

That I’ve conquered my fears

I can live without you

Just wait and see

You’ll soon realise

You’ve set me free.

Parents

Why are parents

Such let downs?

If you’ve got a smile

They’ll give you a frown

They fill you with the traits

You wish you didn’t own

If you’re having a good day

They’ll start to nag or moan

They aren’t there when you need them

But they’re there when you wish they weren’t

They wipe your mind of happiness

And erase the good you’ve learnt

They like to fuck you up

And mess your head around

If you’re flying in the sky

They’ll kick you to the ground

They live their life through you

And don’t accept their time is gone

They look back at their masterpiece

And question where it all went wrong.

(Inspired by Philip Larkin's This Be The Verse

Let Down

You let me down

You let me cry

Always disappointment

And a million goodbyes

You cut me off

For days at a time

You didn’t pick up

Or answer the line

You’d threaten me

With your selfish ways

Never held me tight

And said it’d be OK

I just wanted a daddy

Like the other girls had

One who’d read them stories

And hug them if they were sad

You let me down

A thousand times

Turned out the light

So the sun didn’t shine

You fucked me up

And now it’s too late

I’ve waved goodbye

I’ve cleared my plate.

Some People

Some people are fucked up

And full of shit and dirt

Some people cut themselves

To feel their inside hurt

Some people drink and smoke

To make it go away

Some people try to hide

The bleakness of their day

Some people have sex

With everyone in sight

As they try to feel something

And not give up their fight

Some people fall in love

And learn how to smile

Some people chase their demons

Forever and a mile

Some people are so crazy

They start to appear sane

Some people hide the bruises

With concealer and shame

Some people die young

Because they don’t know how to live

Some people turn off their hearts

Because they don’t know how to give

Most people are fucked up

In their own special way

Don’t judge another person

Until you've lived as them for a day.

Remember

Remember he's not gone

Remember he's still here

When you fake a smile

When you brush away a tear

Remember the good times

Let them fill you up with joy

It's easier said than done

When your heart's broken like a toy

Remember he's around

In the heat of the sun

Smiling down at you all

He's the energy in a run

He's on the track, cheering

He's by your side at night

He's with you every moment

So don't give up this fight.

The Fight

It’s gonna be hard

I always knew it would

It’s gonna be tough

I won’t feel very good.

But after a while

The panic will disappear

The worry will shift

They’ll be no more fear.

It’ll be worth it in the end

I’ll look back and smile

When I know that I’ve tackled

The biggest thing for a while.

I won’t give up this fight

I’ll be the winner in this race

Don’t expect me to crumble

Watch this smile on my face.

A Message To My Diary

You started off my friend

Held out your hand

Offered me a shoulder to cry on

And ears to listen with

You became destructive

You took over my life

And had me by the throat

I had no control any more

You deceived me

You tricked me

Confused my tired mind

And drained me of strength

I’m claiming you back

Gaining control once again

You’re no longer my enemy

And you never were my friend.

Screwed Up At Seventeen

Well you managed to screw up

The best part of a year

Wrapped yourself in misery

Self-obsession, hate and fear

Turned people against you

Caused embarrassment and shame

I won’t make those mistakes

Ever, ever again

Plastering your life over YouTube

Facebook and your blog

Thinking people cared

Saw through the damaged fog

I cringe when I look back

At how I acted last year

The ways I showed my pain

Instead of shedding a tear

I put myself away

In the asylum for the loons

I lost my mind, lost my pride

Far too young, way too soon

I’m paying for the damage

Clearing up the mess

I’m done with telling stories

No more need to confess

Don’t judge me on my past

I’m not that person any more

Accept me as I am

With all my quirks and flaws.

Fish Out Of Water

Like a fish out of water

Your eyes bulge
With the intense fear.
You don't belong out here
In this scary world
But instead back there
In the frozen room
Where time stands still
And madness runs free.